


now playing: untitled#9.aiff

by atemzug



Category: CLC (Band), Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: But it's sad, Canon Compliant, F/M, Introspection, idk how to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:22:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26929597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atemzug/pseuds/atemzug
Summary: In the moment right before carefree turns into careful, Hyunggu would like to stay with Yeeun.
Relationships: Kang Hyunggu | Kino/Jang Yeeun
Kudos: 9





	now playing: untitled#9.aiff

**Author's Note:**

> this takes place sometime in mid to late june, when yeeun was participating in good girl and and a few days after road to kingdom finals. the song yeeun is practicing in the fic is ['mermaid'](https://youtu.be/liyK4x4NQ1g).
> 
> 'untitled#9.aiff' is the pretend-song kino plays for yeeun in the fic! aiff is an audio file format. ***** let's pretend 'untitled#9' is what became ['beautiful goodbye'](https://youtu.be/ExljWGBhdbk) T_T 
> 
> **this is obviously a work of fiction and i do not think they are in love with each other in real life (or that they're even close friends at all, for that matter)**
> 
> also, happy 4th anniversary pentagon!

It’s half past two in the morning when Hyunggu walks along the corridor where the vocal practice rooms are in the company building - and stops in front of a particular one. 

He rarely hears her sing - he thinks he’s never even heard her sing since that one evaluation where she’d decided she wanted to be a rapper - so when he does, he forgets about how tired he feels. Suddenly, going home is just an afterthought. 

He can’t really hear her too well. After all, the vocal rooms are made with ample soundproofing for a reason. But in the silence of the almost empty building, it’s enough to keep him waiting outside, sitting beside the door, head thrown back and leaning against the wall. 

He doesn’t know for how long he sits and just listens, and at this point he doesn’t really care. It’s been so long since he’d last heard her sing.

Yeeun has a rather sweet voice, Hyunggu has always noticed. Most of the time, it doesn’t show when she raps, because she’s always charismatic whenever she’s on stage and doing her thing. But it does when she speaks; her voice is usually soft and quiet when she talks to people. 

That’s probably why Hyunggu can’t will himself to leave.

They haven’t talked in a while. She’s so busy - they’re both so busy these days that even talking when they’d run into each other at the company, they don’t have time for. It’s completely understandable. This is their job, anyway, and they chose it, worked so hard for it, are working even harder just to keep it. It’s just that sometimes he can’t help but miss the moments when things were much simpler, before Yeeun debuted, before he debuted, before everyone’s eyes were on them, prying and criticizing. Rare is it that he finds himself wanting to go back to the times when running into each other at the company on the way home automatically led to midnight convenience store runs that turn into late-night talks about everything, but tonight is one of those nights.

He thinks Yeeun’s voice is the softest when she’s tired and secretly stuffing herself with ramen, trusting Hyunggu enough to not tell on her. Right now he can only hear her faintly through the cracks in the door, the song’s soft melody he thinks he’s heard Wooseok play once before quietly surrounding him and slowly filling all his sense, and he reminisces the moments he can never get back.

But maybe he can replicate them. Maybe he can make new memories, ones not full of worry and uncertainty. Turn questions of _Will we ever even debut?_ into statements of _We made it past that period, and we’ll make it past this too._ Their journeys are quite similar, when he thinks about it. Maybe that’s why there’s always been a pull, a reason why they’ve always gravitated towards each other. Even though now it’s mostly non-existent - the long conversations, the texts, the carefree way they acted whenever they were together - not because they didn’t care anymore but because this is what it takes for people like them to succeed, deep down he knows that she’s still the earth, still the ground he can fall back on when gravity pulls too hard and he has to rest for awhile before he has to take off for the skies again.

So when Yeeun stops singing, opens the door, and greets him with a surprised, “What are you doing here?!” he smiles up at her.

“Wanna get food with me?’ he asks her.

She just stares at him for a moment, until he stands up and she backs away at the sudden close proximity. “I was just gonna go to the bathroom,” she mutters. 

Hyunggu laughs, looking down and shaking his head before looking at her again. He wants to pat her head, or run his fingers through now blonde hair, or hold her face with both hands. “Right,” he instead tells her with a smile, “sorry. You’ve gotta practice well.”

He’s about to turn around and leave after one last smile, when Yeeun surprises him by blocking his way.

“If you could wait for a few minutes,” she says, pointing to the room she came from. “I just have to tidy things up in there.”

“‘Course,” Hyunggu immediately answers. He crosses his arms and leans against the wall as Yeeun goes back inside. 

She’s back outside after a few minutes.

“Thanks for waiting,” she tells him, the door clicking locked behind her. “Where are we going?”

“I was actually planning to drop by the CVS,” Hyunggu answers and they start walking, slowly. Whether it’s because they don’t know where to go or don’t want the moment to pass by too quickly, he doesn’t mind. 

“Oh.” Yeeun lets out. Hyunggu thinks this is the softest her voice has ever sounded- also the saddest. “We can’t go there together.”

“I know,” he answers, almost mirroring the softness of her voice- only, his is brought out of frustration. It’s almost been two years. He hates how they’ve had to be so careful ever since, just so things won’t go _that_ bad again. He understands it’s a sacrifice they have to make, all of them do, but sometimes it still feels unfair.

“So…” 

It takes a few seconds before he realizes she stopped in her tracks. He stops and turns, looking at her with raised brows. “Hm?” he prompts her to speak.

She averts her eyes when she does. “Wanna just hang out?” she asks. “I know it’s late and you’re on your way home, but-”

“Sure,” he cuts her off, smiling when she finally looks back at him. “You were practicing too, anyway. I’ll keep you company for a few more hours.”

The smile she flashes him after is so bright, it puts all the lights inside this building to shame. But when they get back to the vocal room she shares with Seunghee, and she realizes she forgot her keys inside, the smile disappears and turns into a cute pout.

"We can use ours," Hyunggu suggests. "I usually share it with Jinho-hyung but since he's not here…" He shrugs.

"Would that be okay?"

"Even if it's not, no one's gonna know anyway."

"That's true," she says.

"I'll take that as a yes." He starts walking to his own room, not even checking if she's following. He hears her footsteps a second later.

Once they're both by the door he takes out his keys and waves them in front of her face, teasing her until she swats his hand away in slight annoyance. He's laughing when he unlocks the door and lets her in.

"Wow," she lets out. "It's like an entire different place here." 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." 

He laughs. "Don't the rooms all look the same?"

"No," she says, setting her tote bag down on the couch. "This room feels more homey."

Hyunggu looks around. It's a small space. There's a couch, a shelf, a table where the computer sits. He's never really paid much attention, but now he thinks, _It is kinda homey._ Aside from the fact that he mostly uses this room alone now. 

Having Yeeun here, it makes the empty space feel a lot fuller. 

"Are you working on something?" she asks. She's looking at the photos hanging on the walls, at the shelf and the random trinkets she finds there. 

"Yeah," he answers. "I'm always working on something."

"That's why you're always tired."

"Okay, let me correct myself. I _have to_ always be working on something."

She puts the book she was just looking at back in its place, turns to look at him with furrowed brows.

He waves a hand in dismissal. "It's just my thing. Hwitaek-hyung is the same."

"You have to rest sometimes."

"I _do,_ " he insists. " _You_ have to rest sometimes."

"I'm just happy I even get to work."

He thinks of all the times he's ever felt like they're all going to be stuck if they didn't do something themselves, the times he thought it was bound to end sooner or later. "Same here."

There's a moment of silence, spanning long enough for him to have time to think about how different things really are now. He and Yeeun, they're both so different now. The harsh realities of the industry, of their jobs, of something that used to be unreachable and ideal but has now turned into something that's always in front of them and ready to bite - all of these have shaped them into who they are now.

It's both a blessing and a curse.

Sometimes he wants to go back in time, to when things were easier and more hopeful. Other times he wants to see the future, to see if things will eventually look a lot brighter, to know for sure whether this is all worth it or not. 

Then he looks at Yeeun, and he wants nothing but the present he's in right now.

"Can I hear it?" she asks him. 

"Huh?"

"What you're working on."

He's already turning his computer on when he answers, "Sure." 

She's sitting in front of the computer, and he has to lean down to reach the mouse and navigate through the many files. His eyes flit towards her for a split second, and he realizes they're so close. She's so close, and she's so relaxed. It hasn't been like this in years. They've had to act rigid around each other for so long, he already forgot how nice it feels to have her this close to him, her presence and her warmth. 

He looks at her again and he almost does it. He almost kisses her right there, right when she looks back at him and doesn't turn or back away. 

But he stops himself before he can do something he knows they’d both regret.

He clicks on the audio file and straightens up, and Yeeun averts her eyes. 

And it's as if he'd clicked a rewind button- or a fast-forward button. Just like that, they're back to being careful, rigid, walls up and high like they've been for some time now and will be for some more. It's like he managed to push open a window that someone else is pushing back towards him for a quarter of a second, only to close it again himself. 

It’s not that he’s scared someone finds out; no one really cares unless it goes public. But he’s scared of what he’d be willing to do if things go out of hand. Would he be willing to put not only his group at risk, but Yeeun’s too? Would Yeeun be? Would they both be willing to shit on the people they deeply care for, who care for them too, just because they care for each other a little more than necessary? He’d like to think no, that neither of them is that selfish - but does he really know that? 

He's been here for so long but sometimes it feels like in this world, he barely knows anything. All he knows is that he can't let people down - not his members, not their fans, not Yeeun, not himself. He reminds himself that this is a life he chose, and this is a life he's still choosing now. 

He knows she feels the same. It's clear in the way her shoulders are shaking, in the way she brings a hand up to her face, in the way she hiccups softly. He can only see the back of her head from where he's standing, but he's seen her cry enough times to know. They've been friends long enough for him to understand that there are things he can't do anything about, no matter how much he wants to turn the wheel around for her. 

Maybe in an alternate universe, Hyunggu holds Yeeun when she cries, and she's not crying because of _them_. 

When the song is over, she turns to him and says, with puffy eyes but a smile so big and genuine, in her soft, _soft_ voice that he loves so much, "It's good." 

And he only mutters a soft, "Thanks." 

Because in _this_ universe, they both know they're a universe apart. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!  
> no one asked and no one cares but i wrote this on the new keyboard i got last week ^_^ it's not great but hey, it works!
> 
> [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.qa/crashingfalling)


End file.
